Putting it all in perspective: How to deal with a frustrating baby.

Overall I would say you are a really good baby.

A lot of the things people warned us about haven't really happened. You're happy, giggly, hilarious, fun, exciting, brave and adventurous and nearly every minute with you is wonderful beyond words! However, there are times... every now and then... where... Hmmm, how should I say this?

You can be very frustrating.

Now don't get me wrong, we spend the majority of our time with you laughing our tails off or commenting on how completely amazing you are in every single way! But sometimes you can be extremely trying on your poor mom and dad's patience. Currently, you are 13 months old; far away from the terrible twos. However, you have shown yourself to be quite advanced and sometimes I think maybe you're practicing your craft so you're extra good at it by your next birthday. I have no doubt AT ALL that you will succeed beyond our wildest fears!

What sorts of things do you do to frustrate us?

1. You sleep through the night right now in the sense that you only get up once (somewhere between 4:00 and 6:00 am) wanting a bit of milk before you go back to sleep (until you get up for the day sometime around 8:30ish). Usually, you drift back to sleep after that milk infusion in less than 10 minutes, but LATELY... you've been getting your milk and then telling me all about it through the baby monitor for upwards of an hour and a half or longer. On the weekends it isn't such a big deal because even if you stay up between 4:30 and 6:00 am, I can at least get a little extra shut-eye between 6:00 and 8:30 when you finally get up. On the weekdays, this is a completely different story. When you have been waking up at 4:30 for your bottle and not getting back to sleep until 6:00, that means that I'm up for the day at 4:30 am because I have to be at work by 7:00. No time to for extra shut-eye for me! Believe me, I've tried sleeping through baby-babblin' and your poor mama just can't do it! It's so frustrating to think you're asleep because you've been quiet for the last 15 minutes, start drifting off to sleep myself, and then hear you shriek, "DADA!!!!!!!!!" (followed by giggles). Honestly, it's as adorable as it is frustrating, but I'd be willing to give up the cuteness for a couple more hours of sleep. You're cute enough during the waking hours!

2. You are a very good eater (much like your mom and dad). You love shoving fistfuls of bananas into your mouth. You are usually pretty good about trying new things, but those things don't always stay in your mouth. Your tongue turns into a little backhoe when something you're not entirely certain about lands on it; shoving the mouthful of food out from where it came and landing all over your clothes, the table, the floor... me. Even things that you tried and liked the day before get the backhoe treatment if you're not feeling them RIGHT THEN! It's so frustrating when we try to feed you and you spit everything out! Then, when you're getting frustrated with the process, you start grabbing your plate in an attempt to dump the contents all over the place, which leads to me saying, "no no!!" and you getting mad that I told you no so you grab a fistful of food and drop it all over the table. Sigh...

3. When you wake up for the day you are happy, chipper, giggly, just all-around the bestest little baby in the history of the world! From that moment on, it slowly progresses downhill as you get whinier and crabbier until it is FINALLY (thank heavens!!!) time for your nap! Then, you take your nap, wake up, and start the whole cycle again until it's time for bed. The hour or two after you get up is some of my favorite time with you because you are HILARIOUS! Those whiny and crabby times are a lot less fun. You're finally at the age where you're aware enough to know what you want, but not quite able to convey your meaning to us so we can do something about it. So, basically, we just run around like maniacs trying all sorts of things to make you happy until it is finally time for you to go to sleep. Sometimes we succeed, many times we don't. I'm pretty sure you're smack-dab in the middle of a growth spurt because all of a sudden you feel like you weigh 10 lbs more than you did last week. If I gained 10 lbs in a week, I'd be whiny and crabby, too! I can't really fault you for any of it, but it IS very frustrating.

4. You're also going through a phase right now where you want to be held and put down on the ground... simultaneously. You can't figure out why we can't get this right! "Pick me up, put me down, pick me up, put me down, pick me up AND put me down AT THE SAME TIME GUYS!!!" If we don't comply with this seemingly impossible demand, you get upset. Someday I will teach you the concept of "mutual exclusivity" but until then, I'll just have to try not to get frustrated when you demand such things. (P.S. It's really hard, but I'm trying.)

5. Putting you in the car seat right now is TORTURE for all of us. You just cannot handle being confined to ANYTHING right now. You are constantly on the move and anything that keeps you from running around at half the speed of light is deemed evil and worthy of shrieking screams. We start to put you in the car seat and you begin to wail, kick, arch your back, do anything possible to make it nearly impossible for us to restrain you properly. Once you're in the seat, you voice your displeasure at the tightening of the straps in such a way that people walking by must be certain we are killing you. Then, when you're finally strapped in and we're on our way to our destination, you continue your battery of whines and yelps until we either get to where we're going, or you've finally accepted your fate. You love being out and about, but I've learned that I can really only do about one or two locations in an hour because any more than that leaves both of us incredibly annoyed and frustrated with each other. I can't wait until you're old enough to stop hating that thing. I just hope there IS an "old enough" phase because you're going to be in that thing until you get married if it means you're safer in the car. I mean it, young lady.

6. Then, when you're in the car seat and we're out and about you THROW ALL OF YOUR TOYS off to the side where you can't reach them! After successfully ridding yourself of all of the toys, you decide you want them all back again. I hate to break it to you kiddo... but I'm NOT going to start pulling the car over to play toy-fetch with you every five seconds! Eventually you will learn that throwing your stuff means you don't get to have it anymore. (When will you learn this, by the way? I want to start counting down the days...)

7. Changing your diaper or clothing is about half tolerable and half annoying. Sometimes you're totally fine with letting us do what we need to do and other times it's like trying to dress a caffeinated Tasmanian devil. You do realize if you would just LAY THERE QUIETLY I could get this outfit/diaper on you in half of the time and you could run off and play more quickly, right??? RIGHT??? WHY DON'T YOU REALIZE THIS??? I'm just trying to help you!

There are other frustrating things, I'm sure, that I just don't remember at the moment. Right now, I'm just a little bit tired from that thing I mentioned in #1 up there (I got to sleep around midnight and you woke up at 4:30. You didn't get back to sleep until after I left for work. Mama doesn't function well on 4 and a half hours of sleep, baby.) But honestly, these things aren't that bad in the grand scheme of things and I do try very hard not to get frustrated with you outwardly because you're just a baby and these are all normal baby things. Still, you'd have to be made of metal and gears not to get a little frustrated now and then as a parent, right?

It's all a matter of putting it into perspective.

I say this because I am all too often reminded of how important the art of putting things into perspective can be.

This morning as I was perusing a bit of social networking while working the Reference Desk I saw two different posts from two different people I know from two different parts of my life. They are different in nearly every single way, except they shared the same agony. They had each lost a niece or a nephew yesterday. They each had a small and innocent member of their family pass away and they will never see those sweet little babies ever again. One of the babies had been born very prematurely, lived for 9 days, then passed away. The other was a three year old little girl who had cancer and succumbed to her illness. As I read these posts I was reminded that I had planned to write a blog post about how frustrating you could be at times and, immediately, felt guilty. I was reminded, in that instant, of all of the families out there who would give anything to have those frustrating moments back because it meant the nightmare of losing their babies wasn't a reality. That's when I decided to put it all into perspective.

You have been such a blessing in my life that I can't even put into words how lost I would be without you. If going days without sleep or getting covered in half-chewed rice and peas means I still have you in my life, then I will consciously make the connection between feelings of frustration and the blessing of even having you in the first place. When you get older and I feel like I'm about to lose my mind because you simply will not listen to me, I will remind myself that you and your little non-listening ears are still around for me to hug and whisper sweet nothings into. Through every little annoyance and frustration, I will do my best to engage you with a thankful heart because you are perfectly mine and I still have you.

Similarly, when you're a teenager and everything we do and say to you drives you up the wall, try to remember, through your frustration and anger, that parents don't last forever. Let's all be blessed and grateful for every day we have together as a family. I love you!

Never forget: you are a woman and you have rights!

Here's the thing...

It is HARD to be a girl.

I am glad I was born a girl (and I'm very glad you were, too! A little girl is all I've ever wanted!), but living as a female in our society is, at times, fraught with frustration and inequality. As I write this we currently live in a world where it is okay to pay women up to 30% of less than what men make for the exact same job. Okay, I should state that it isn't overtly okay, (it is illegal to discriminate) but it happens... a lot. We also live in a society that sees nothing wrong with paying for prescriptions for men who want to enhance their sex lives (i.e. Viagra), but we struggle to come up with comprehensive coverage for family planning prescriptions for women across the board.

In nearly all aspects of family planning, women are scrutinized for their desire to be in control of their own "fate." Your dad and I wanted to have a baby. In fact, we wanted to have two babies (not necessarily at the same time, mind you!) We practiced family planning before you came along until we thought we would be ready for your arrival. We did this because we wanted to be responsible parents. We wanted to own a house, have stable income, be mentally prepared for the responsibilities of raising a child... everything was thought out and planned ahead of time. We have the various methods of birth control to thank for not bringing you into the world "too soon," but rather having you at a time where we had it all under control. Now, your dad and I aren't so sure that you will ever have a brother or a sister because we already feel complete with you. Thanks to birth control, we have the ability to exercise our rights NOT to have more children if we so choose.

There are people in the world who would consider us to be very wrong for choosing to regulate our family this way. There are people RIGHT NOW who would consider your poor mom to be some sort of harlot for making the decision to take a pill to regulate my menstrual cycle/fertility or to get an implantation in my uterus, which would keep me from becoming pregnant for up to 5 years. Imagine that? I hope this all sounds completely ridiculous to you by the time you're old enough to read these words because it will mean we, as a society, finally got our collective heads out of our asses and realized that women (and their partners) have a right to plan their families without being stigmatized.

You are the most wonderful thing that could have happened to your dad and I, but we don't necessarily feel like you need a brother or sister at this time because the three of us feels like "enough" right now. I can't even begin to tell you how often people ask me when I'm going to get pregnant again. I can't even begin to tell you how shocking it is to have people think it is their business to know these things in the first place! Imagine their surprise when I tell them we aren't currently considering having another child. Oh, the horror! I've had people go so far as to tell me that it is my moral imperative to have another child because we're such good parents to you and it is selfish not to have more. Um... thanks? (This, dear, is called a backhanded compliment. People will say something nice to you to hide the fact that they are condemning something else about you.) I have a hard time defending our decision to these people because "all children are gifts and you should want more." I think that does a great disservice to you, our only child, because I feel like they're saying I need more than you to be happy. I'm very happy, damn it! You are my WORLD! I'm still trying to come up with a nice way to tell these people to butt out. I may never find a NICE way to do it.

Another thing I hope you never have to experience as a woman, but I have experienced firsthand, is how society thinks that women are a public commodity. The sad thing is that women are just as guilty of perpetuating offensive acts against other women as the men are; sometimes even worse! When I was pregnant with you, any personal space boundaries I may have had before I was pregnant were GONE! As soon as people found out I was with-child, my belly got more rubbings than an inverted puppy. Would you EVER walk up to a stranger and ask to touch their stomach randomly? I hope not. It happened to me several times. Being pregnant also gave people a perceived permission to ask me the most personal questions (like my breastfeeding plans, how much weight I gained, did I have hemorrhoids?) Women were the worst about it. Men, at least, seem to shy away from asking women anything weight-related and, according to your dad, women don't have anything going on in or around their backsides. He likes to believe that girls don't poop. You totally ruined that illusion for him!

Long story short... as a woman people will think you should share personal information about yourself (guys in bars will be pushy when trying to get information out of you, too. Tell them to bugger off!) or accept less than what is owed to you. I want you to know that you are a woman and you have rights! You are more than your body, you are more than your race or your gender. You are a human being who deserves respect and equality regardless of the plumbing you were born with. I hope to do my best to raise you believing that.

Lastly, this world is really hard on women when it comes to appearances. There is a certain standard of beauty shoved down the throats of nearly all women by the media and our peers. I want you to know that this perfect image of the perfect woman is complete and utter bull-hockey. Those women Do Not Exist. The women in those pictures don't actually look like that in real life. Those women are digital. They are virtual. They are impossible in so many ways. I don't want you to EVER use those images as the ruler by which you measure your appearance. You are also more than your face. Of course I think you are beautiful because you ARE beautiful. But you are also smart, funny, fun, energetic, enthusiastic, and awe-inspiring... and you're only 13 months old right now! Imagine what all you'll be when you're older?? Nothing short of amazing, I imagine. You are more than the individual parts. You are the whole package.

I wish I could tell you that all of what I've said will be enough to get you through life. I wish I could say the right combination of things to make it enough. Instead, it is our job to bring you to a point where you fight for your own rights; a place where you are "enough" for yourself just like you're "enough" for your dad and I. (More than enough! Our cup overflows because of you!) Until then, you will always have a safe place from this unsafe and unfair world; in our arms, hugging you tightly.

Traditions: Old and New

When you you get married and combine families, it can be sort of interesting trying to figure out a way to blend all of the different traditions into one new family. Your dad and I have tried throughout the years to pay homage to long-standing traditions while understanding that we are also a new family and we need to come up with traditions that work for our own little family, too.

Traditions are important to families as they give us a sense of belonging, comfort, and "home" no matter where we are. Something as simple as a smell or a taste can transport us from wherever we are in the world back to one small place and time in our lives. As your mom and dad, we want you to experience things in your life that made us happy when we were little people, but we also want to create new experiences that we can all be a part of as you grown up. What is the saying? "Make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver and the other is gold!" Well, traditions are like that, too! We make new ones and celebrate how wonderful the new things can be, but we treasure the old ways of doing things, too.

We've only been a family with you for a year now, but we've already started a few new traditions and upheld a few older ones. I'm sure as the years go by we will add a few different things to the list, but for now, here is how we celebrate throughout the year!

*Birthdays - We all do different things for our birthdays. For my birthday (mom) we usually go out for Japanese dinner at one of my favorite restaurants with a few family members. It's one of the few times a year I get delicious Japanese food so I always look forward to it! Your dad likes to go downtown on his birthday and scoop up a bunch of the freebies given out by local businesses. Some of those things include: free drinks, free popcorn, free movie, free movie rental, and various options for free food/dessert, too! Your first birthday was a big party at our house, but we may change it up next year because our house was PACKED and it was a bit hard to move around with so many people. One tradition I began at your first birthday was making your birthday decorations. I made that Yo Gabba Gabba banner out of felt and it's still hanging up a month later because you keep pointing at it and getting excited! I love that something I made by hand makes you so happy, so I'll probably keep doing it! I'm not sure what I'll make next year, but I hope you end up liking it as much as your banner! I also plan on continuing to make your cake/cupcakes and other party-themed treats (for your party and for your day care buddies).

*St. Patrick's Day - For your first St. Patrick's Day, I took the afternoon off of work and met your dad downtown for the annual St. Patrick's Day parade! We didn't know it then, but it was the start of a fun new tradition. This year the parade is on a Saturday so neither of us have to take the day off! You're also going to be a lot more aware of what is going on this year and I'm not sure if that will be good or bad. I hope the loud noises don't scare you! I'm guessing you're going to love it, though! And, of course, we all wear green so we don't get pinched!

Your cute green outfit from last year!

*Fourth of July - When I was growing up the Fourth of July usually meant going to see the big city fireworks display. We didn't really do fireworks at the house much (something about your money literally going up in smoke?) I'm still not sure how much of that we're going to do with you, but I do want to get some sparklers this year because I think you'll really like those (from a safe distance, of course!) Last year we went to your Grandmas' house for a BBQ. We'll probably do that again this year. We also went to the city BBQ and walked around sampling some of the local cuisine. Depending on the weather, we'll probably keep doing that, too! When you're old enough that you aren't scared by the big booms of the city fireworks, we'll start doing that. Until then, I'll just silently (or not-so-silently) curse those who defy the in-town fireworks ban and set off things that keep you awake at night!

*Piotique - Piotique is a celebration held in my small hometown every September. Piotique is a mixture of "pioneer" and "antique." There are lots of food booths and craft booths, music, and a big parade through the streets. We went last September to take part in the fun and so family who still lives in there could see you. It was a long day (complete with 2 hour car trips there and back), but you were so well behaved! You seemed to really like the parade, too. This year you will probably be a bit less well-behaved (being an opinionated 19 month old by then), but we'll still go and you'll probably still have fun between toddler tantrums!

*Halloween - Our city does a really neat thing every Halloween where kids can go to the downtown district and go trick-or-treating to local businesses. It's great because the kids are all safe, they get a TON of candy, and the adults enjoy looking at all the cute kiddos running around in their costumes. We did this last year with you (in your cute Jayhawk costume!!!) and you genuinely seemed to enjoy looking at all of the other kids. We met up with a few buddies (Baby O and Baby R) and you got your first taste of candy when dad shared a sucker with you. We went over to the Grandmas' house after we were done downtown and you got a few fun little goodies from them! We will probably do all of that again this year! As adults, your dad and I have another Halloween tradition that we like to do. We have a big party up at our business for all of our friends! You probably won't be able to come to that party for a looooooooooong time!

*Thanksgiving - Your dad and I started our own Thanksgiving traditions a couple of years ago when we decided we were through with traveling all over on the holidays to see various people. Instead, we decided to keep Thanksgiving (and Christmas) at our house for our own little family and friends. Now we hold Thanksgiving dinner (or lunch, actually) at our house! We usually make the turkey, green bean casserole, stuffing, mashed potatoes (no less than 10 lbs at a time because your dad LOVES leftovers!), gravy, biscuits, and pumpkin pies. We always have your Grandpa come as well as other family if they can make it. We also invite friends over who may not be able to go home over the holiday. We always eat a TON of food; our favorite tradition of all! After all of the feasting (maybe not the same day...) we put up our Christmas decorations and listen to Christmas albums!

*The time leading up to Christmas - There isn't an exact time that we do these things, but this last year during the time leading up to Christmas (between Thanksgiving and Christmas) we did several things that I want to keep doing in the future. We got your picture taken with Santa; a tradition I want to continue as I made that picture into a cute little 2011 ornament to hang on our mantle this upcoming year. Each year your Santa picture will get turned into an ornament until you tell me that you're too old for Santa... then I'll be sad, but I understand. We also made ornaments out of Sculpy Clay to hang on our tree! Each year I want to make you an ornament to put on the tree. This last year I made you a panda ornament (because pandas are easy to make, look like what they're supposed to be, and even though a panda isn't technically a bear, I made it because I call you "baby bear" a lot!)

Here you are with your ornament looking less-than-impressed by my skills!

*Christmas Eve - Christmas Eve is a really important time, especially for your dad, because his family used to do all of the great immediate-family stuff that night instead of on Christmas. To pay tribute to that tradition, this past Christmas we had your grandmas, your grandpa, and Caelan over to eat dinner, listen to Christmas albums, and open presents! We had ham, green bean casserole, dinner rolls, and scalloped potatoes. We all opened our presents and enjoyed each other's company! Christmas Eve is also the night Santa comes and fills our stockings with goodies for us to open Christmas Day!

*Christmas Day - On Christmas Day of this past year we went to the Grandmas' house for lunch and presents with some of the extended family. We opened presents from the Grandmas and opened stockings from the Grandmas and from each other in our immediate family! Out of all of the presents you got, your favorite thing was a half-full water bottle. It figures!

*Food Traditions - It isn't difficult to see that food is important to our family (seeing as how both your dad and I are fighting the bulge battles, currently). There are a few things my family holds dear, food-wise, that I want to share with you as you grow older. Some of those things include: your Great-Grandma G's sugar cookies, her Jackpot casserole, angel-food cake with pink icing, your Grandma P's potato soup, and your mom's (mine!) AMAZING peanut butter cookies, chocolate chip cookies, and delicious cheesecakes! You come from a long line of women who can rock a kitchen and I can't wait to pass these skills on to you! Just be a little bit more self-controlled around these foods than your dear old mom was (is.... sigh).

As time goes by we will create more and more fun traditions as a family. When you grow up and decide to start your own family (if you choose to do so), you can pick and choose from some of our traditions to share with your new family, while creating new and fun ones that are special to you!