I don't care if you succeed, but please try!

I don't usually toot my own horn, but if there's one thing your mama is pretty good at in life it would have to be my ability to TRY things.  I may not always succeed in everything I try (if you find that hard to believe, just ask your dad about the time I made Indian food when we were dating!), but the fact that I put myself out there and allow myself the opportunity to either succeed or fail without remorse... I feel like it makes me a better person that I would be otherwise.  I have a lot of high hopes for you, like every mother has for her little one, but one of my highest hopes is that you will have enough confidence in yourself to run the risk of failure in pursuit of success.  


It doesn't matter how MANY times you fail, it only matters that you keep trying.  You've never actually failed until you succumb to your failure and quit trying to make it right.  I will never be disappointed in you for "falling short" of what you wanted to accomplish, but I will be terribly sad if you throw in the towel and quit doggedly fighting your way to your hopes and dreams.  It may take time, it may take inconvenience, it may cause heartache, it may even take sacrifice (note: it will usually take sacrifice), but nothing is out of your reach if you set your mind to it.  As the old saying goes: If at first you don't succeed... try, try again!


No one likes to fail.  It hurts to feel like we aren't good enough.  The way you react when you've failed at something is just as important in the grand scheme of things as the number of times you try something.  Failure and I go way back.  You could probably even say that most of the time I have set out to try something, I probably failed in some small way before I ever tasted the sweet nectar of success.  I can probably count on zero fingers the number of times I set out to do something new and nailed it on the first try.  In your first year of life you've already upstaged me by getting several things right on the first try! (Example: The first time you attempted the stairs in the house you made it all the way to the top without stopping and/or face-planting!) 


If we were tallying up my successes and plotting them on some sort of pie chart I'm guessing my life would look pretty grim!  I don't feel that way, though.  Instead, I see each time something didn't go as I had planned it to go or didn't turn out as I had intended it to turn out as an opportunity to tweak something the NEXT time I attempt it.  This process actually excites me now!  When you stop fearing failure it opens your mind up to the excitement of the learning process as a whole!  Now when a recipe I make doesn't pan out like I had hoped, I immediately begin brainstorming all of the reasons why it didn't work and begin planning a way to remedy those issues for the next attempt.  Instead of saying, "Well, this was a massive mistake!" I try to say, "Hmm... you know what, I can totally do better!"


This is what I want for you!


You might only be a year old right now, but I already see a fiery spirit in you that will not be contained!  You are active, brave, daring, curious, and unafraid of tackling new things.  All of these attributes will take you a long way in life!  However, I also see a sensitive soul in you.  I see a little girl who doesn't like to be told no, not necessarily because you REALLY wanted to do that thing I didn't want you to do, but because it looks like it hurts your feelings to have us reprimand you in any sort of way.  You don't just throw a fit when told no, you actually cry real tears and look and sound SO sad!  I know you're very young right now and learning about how the world works, but I do hope when you're older that you won't internalize your "wrongs" to the point where they make you sad and angry.  Instead, I want for you to step back, re-evaluate, learn from those things and try, try again!


To take a page from my own life's book, you know that I am currently trying to re-lose the weight I gained during my pregnancy with you that I had already lost once prior to becoming pregnant.  I lost over 100 lbs through diet and exercise and gained back over 80 of it.  Losing that 100 lbs was A LOT of work!  I don't think anyone would have faulted me fully if I decided to put off trying to lose that weight again, especially with a new baby, but it felt like giving up to put off trying again indefinitely.  Instead, I jumped back on the bandwagon as soon as I felt like I could balance it all and I am currently in the process of trying again.  


So, what happens if your dad and I decide to give you a brother or sister and I've already re-lost all of my weight again?  Well, I'll probably gain some of it back again and will have to try and re-lose it a THIRD time!  The point I'm trying to make?  Gaining my weight back at any point in my life isn't true failure.  It's a total setback, for sure!  But, it isn't actual failure until my mind says, "Yeah, I'm done.  I'm never going to be able to stay at my goal so I'm going to quit trying."  Setbacks and mistakes happen.  Deal with them by trying a different approach.  If that approach doesn't work, try another one... and another one... and another one!  Always keep an open mind to new solutions to your problem.  Inspiration can come from anywhere!  


Life is a series of decisions... a giant pool of trials and errors.  The attitude you choose to have when dealing with these decisions and the results of those decisions will go a long way toward your overall happiness in life.  I can guarantee that you will be a happier person if you take the bad stuff as a chance to "do better next time" than you will be if you get too down on yourself for "failing."  As I said before, I won't be disappointed in you for not succeeding, but I will be disappointed if you give up or have a bad attitude about it.  


But honestly, all of this has no real relevance to you right now anyway!  You're just starting to spread your wings and try new things!  We are going to keep encouraging you to do that very thing because the last thing we want to do is crush your spirits or make you think you shouldn't put yourself out there. To take a line from something that DOES hold relevance with you, right now... Yo Gabba Gabba:  Keep trying!  Keep trying!  Don't give up!  Never give up!  Don't stop now, don't stop now, you'll get it right!  You'll get it right!  Don't stop now, don't stop now, you'll figure it out! You'll figure it out!

Tonight's top story: Everything will kill your child!

Your dad and I live in constant fear of something awful happening to you. It occupies more of our thoughts than either of us wish to admit. The news is full of terrible stories about kids getting hurt by strangers, being involved in accidents, or (the worst thing of all) being hurt by the people they were supposed to trust to keep them safe. It hurts our hearts so badly to see this news reports that we have a rule in our home not to share the sad stories we hear with each other to prevent the other person from dwelling on the horrors of such things.

Slightly less horrifying (but still paranoia-inducing) than news reports about actual children being hurt are the ones that spew out all of the many seemingly common ways your child could hypothetically be hurt/killed/maimed. Back when I was little the only things that were really drilled into our heads were these two statements: "Don't speak to strangers" and "Stop, Drop, and Roll" (you know, for all of those times you find yourself on fire). The underlying message of these warnings implies as long as you follow these TWO simple rules, you should live to see tomorrow. Everything else is a go!

This was easy enough to remember. I specifically remember when I was around 8 or 9 years old getting to put my training into real-life use when I was out riding my bike around in my small hometown. It was near night-fall and I was headed back home when a car pulled up next to me and the driver asked if I needed a ride home. I immediately freaked out in my head because I was like, "THIS IS IT! I'M GETTING ABDUCTED!! MAN THE BATTLE STATIONS!" But, instead of screaming, "YOU AREN'T MY MOMMY!!!" at her, I politely declined and pedaled away quickly. I found out later that she was just someone who knew my dad and she recognized me, but she was proud of me for not accepting a ride from a person I didn't know even though she was just trying to help. Clearly my stranger-danger training worked. (Note: I haven't had a chance to use my Stop, Drop, and Roll training yet as I've managed to make it through 31 successful not-being-on-fire years so far. YAY!)

Ah, if only the simple times could last. It seems that a lot has changed during the years which have passed since I was a kid and now when I actually have one of my own. Everything is CRAZY scary now! Not only do you have the "Don't talk to strangers" and the "Stop, Drop, and Roll" but you have a billion other tiny little rules about what you should or shouldn't teach/do with your children to keep them safe. My mind is spinning! What if I forget to teach you something and you go into the world unprepared??? How terrible would I feel if something happened to you and it was because I let you down in your Jedi safety training???

These thoughts are my new constant companions.

Just this morning I was listening to NPR on the way to work and heard a story about something called "The Choking Game" that kids are playing as a free way to get a high-like rush. It basically involves strangulation as a means of depriving the brain the oxygen it needs to, you know... live. The kids either use their hands to strangle their friends until they nearly pass or they do it alone by wrapping something around their necks and tying the other end to something else so they can strangle themselves. The idea, of course, is to STOP right before something bad happens. It turns out that kids aren't as good at pinpointing when that bad stuff happens as they thought they would be. Kids are freaking DYING from this crap!

I swear, when I was a kid, NO ONE had to tell us not to strange ourselves for fun! If someone said that to me as a kid I would have been like, "Um... yeah... do you think I'm some sort of idiot? Why are you telling me this?" But, now I feel compelled to have this talk with you when you're older because apparently kids ARE some sorts of idiots! It won't mean I think you're an idiot, but it will mean I don't want you to fall under the pressure of your idiot friends who want you to do the idiot things they come up with. I'm guessing by the time you're a teenager The Choking Game will be a thing of the past, but kids are adventurous and dumb so I am sure something equally ridiculous will take its place. "Tonight on News at 11: Is your child playing the Shish-Kabob Game? It involves taking sharp Hepatitis-covered bamboo skewers and stabbing them through several levels of children to create a Shish-Kabob of bloody, diseased, screaming teenagers! Why your child might be at risk!!" Absolute insanity!

Here is a short list of things I worry (worried) about because of newspaper articles, news reports, or general run-of-the-mill old wives tales:

*Magnets: Apparently if a kid swallows more than one magnet they can wind up with life-threatening injuries when those magnets stick together as they work their way through the intestinal tract. Kids and pets have lost parts of their bowels or even DIED simply because kids and pets eat every frickin' thing that isn't nailed down. I know this is true because I ate blanket fuzz and a couple of metal ball-bearings when I was a kid. Hey, don't judge me! You are ALWAYS trying to put things in your mouth before dad and I stop you! You try to eat wood-chips, for heaven's sake!

*Hot dogs: I hesitate to feed you even the smallest particle of hot dogs, not because they're gross and made of pig anus (okay, maybe partly that) but because everyone tells you not to feed small kids hot dogs because they're a terrible choking risk. My brain tells me that they aren't any more dangerous cut up into small non-choking-sized pieces than anything else I give you, but for some reason it is stuck in my brain that giving you even a small amount of hot dog increases the chances that I'll get to practice the Heimlich on you. I found out you had some hot dogs at your grandma's house this weekend and felt every part of my body pucker all at once (not a pleasant feeling, mind you) until I realized that I was being wholly unreasonable.

*Crib bumpers: All of the SIDS groups tell you not to put anything in the crib except the baby and a mattress, if you're lucky. Crib bumpers are akin to putting knives and grenades in the crib with your baby because of the risk of suffocation. We were diligent parents and didn't put the crib bumpers in your crib... right up until we almost broke your arm trying to get it unstuck from however you managed to contort your body to get it stuck in the crib slats in the first place. That night, the bumpers went on! We figured you were aware enough NOT to let yourself get suffocated (which made you about 1,000% smarter than those teenagers I mentioned who play that Choking Game, at the ripe old age of 6 months old). Still, the news reports and SIDS groups have made parents think that their babies are the world's most helpless little creatures until you enroll them in kindergarten that parents are nearly unable to make those decisions for themselves anymore. Logic told us that we KNEW you and we KNEW you were able to move yourself away from any sort of danger in your crib, but parents aren't encouraged to make those decisions for themselves anymore based on their own kid. We're programmed almost immediately to follow every single guideline put forth and how DARE we not follow it to the max!

Now, I am still genuinely terrified of the whole "stranger" thing and for good reason! There are so many nutjobs out there who would have no qualms about hurting you. For that reason we intend on educating the crap out of you about what to do when you find yourself in an uncomfortable or dangerous situation because those things are REAL and PERVASIVE in our society, like they've always been. I'm putting your little butt into some sort of martial arts training as soon as you're old enough to yell "HEE-YAWWWW!!!" We're going to have secret family passwords so you know if someone can be trusted. We're going to talk about how to spot a safe-place if you feel like you're in danger. We're going to teach you that it is absolutely okay to say "NO" to someone if you don't trust them and that we'd never be mad at you for hurting someone if you do so while trying to defend yourself. These are skills you can take with you your entire life.

As far as all of the other insane things go, I just hope that we have a close enough relationship that you feel like you can come to us and tell us if someone is pressuring you to do something you aren't comfortable doing. It might seem like we're all over your life, butting in when you don't want us to, but please know that we will do this because we love you and we don't want to see anything bad happen to you. I won't lie, there are a lot of very dangerous things out there. Some of these dangerous things are known to us and we can teach you how to avoid them. Some of these dangerous things are unknown to us and we will rely on your wisdom, common sense, and faith in us as your parents to help get you through them. Until then, we will do our best to walk that fine line between safety and discovery because we respect your lack of fear when it comes to trying new things, even if it terrifies US a bit!

Oh, and if/when you have a child someday... don't read or watch or listen to the news. It will slowly tear away any hope you have for humanity and it is totally not representative of the world as a whole. Most of the people you will meet will be good folks and not deranged psychopaths. It's our job to teach you how to tell the difference... and how to tear their eyes from their face if they try to do anything to hurt you.

HEE-YAWWWW!!!!!!!!!!

We should all be more like babies

It is really interesting to see the world through your eyes.

Mundane things become exciting and new again when you see them through the eyes of a baby who is just trying to figure out the world around her. Bubbles? AWESOME! Hopping birds begging for food in an outdoor market? FASCINATING! Plants that show up in the Spring? AMAZING!

As we grow older the majesty and splendor of the world seems to disappear into the background noise of our daily lives. Being a parent and watching you discover things for the first time is like being given a golden ticket to relive your own childhood! Because of you, I have noticed more flowers, birds, bugs, trees, animals, and other children than I ever would have without you! You give me license to make silly faces, funny noises, and dance around like a weirdo because it makes you happy!

Watching you navigate your way through life has made me realize that age does not necessarily beget wisdom. In fact, we would probably all be a whole lot better off if we did things the way that babies do. I have learned that it is better to take more time getting from point A to point B (sometimes making trips to point C and D, in the process!) if it means you get to touch a freshly bloomed iris or closely inspect the tiny baby in the stroller nearby. I have learned that babies have no point of reference in determining whether they should interact with someone because EVERYONE is a friend at that exact moment. Babies just ARE. They soak up everything around them and cherish all of it for what it is with absolutely NO pre-existing prejudice. It's actually quite beautiful to watch it all unfold.

It's so much fun going out to parks (or anywhere!) with you because you thrive on the energy of the other children! It's awesome to watch your little head whip around when you hear the distinctive sounds of other children nearby and to see your face light up when you get the chance to play with other kids. Even if we're walking along you take every opportunity possible to wave at other people and greet them with a hearty, "HI!" I'm happy to report that most of the time people respond back to you in similar fashion, which makes you grin from ear to ear.

If you're down on the ground walking around on your own, we often follow you over to someone sitting on a bench, minding their own business, until you walk up to them and start your baby-magic. You usually greet them and either try to give them a hug or hand them something. You've done this with people we wouldn't necessarily have been comfortable greeting ourselves (let alone let you interact with them) but watching you do this and seeing their responses to you has made me drop my guard slightly. In the end, even if someone looks like a creepy old man or someone who *may* have just escaped from prison that day; you don't care. Everyone gets a "Hi!" and a wave from you.

I struggle with this a little bit because I need you to understand when you're older that not all strangers will love and cherish you as much as you will love and cherish them; in fact, some could hurt you. But at the same time, it really is amazing to see someone with a sour grumpy face turn it all around just because you wandered over to them to say "hi" and give them a hug. Maybe, in the end, that's what's wrong with this world. Maybe we would be a happier bunch of people if it were less scary to approach strange sour-looking people and just say "hi" to them? Maybe those people are sour-looking because they haven't gotten a hug in a long time? How on earth do we raise you to have a healthy respect for stranger-danger, but NOT squelch your desire to interact with people who may very well need your particular brand of friendliness?

Maybe babies have it right? Maybe babies represent how we are supposed to be with each other? Maybe we all start out wide-eyed and full of wonder and somewhere along the way it is taken from us. I honestly have no idea how it happens. I just need to figure out how I'm going to model the whole "being social" thing so I don't take away any of your genuine desire to interact with others in the loving way you do so. Man... parenting is hard!

Last night you made a very-best-friend-in-the-entire-world at the park. For the 15 or 20 minutes you two played together, you were the only other person in each other's world. Her name was Maddie and she was 4 years old. She, apparently, has a little brother your age, but both your dad and I figure that she must have actually wanted a little sister because she took to you immediately! She helped feed you some cheese for a snack, she handed you her baby doll (which must have been very important to her because she brought it all the way to the park with her), she wanted to dig in the wood chips with you, and you both played on the teeter-totter together. She was very gentle with you.

When it came time for her to leave, she gave you a big hug (you gave her one back). Sadly, we may never see Maddie again. However, it didn't matter to either of you that you had just met each other or that you may never cross paths again. For that brief window of time two complete strangers were completely devoted to spending time with each other in a way that adults just can't comprehend. We, of course, thought it was totally adorable.

This is what I'm talking about! Babies just ARE. At any given moment, they are completely enthralled and devoted to whatever happens to be in their radar. The little details like getting somewhere on time or not knowing the person you're hugging are inconsequential. If there is something to be explored or someone to spend some time with, you are only interested in those things. As a result, your day is filled with exciting awesome things! As your mom, I get to experience those exciting awesome things with you! You know what? It's really fun! I love watching you get excited when a butterfly lands nearby or when you find a great crunchy leaf to tear apart!

It makes me want to be more like YOU! I wish we were all more like babies. Babies have just as much to teach us as we have to teach them!