So, I mentioned that your mama started a venture recently...
Sadly, I don't make enough money to set aside as much money every month for your college fund as I would like. We have bills to pay and truth be told, I'm nowhere near as frugal as I should be considering how much I don't make. So, knowing these things about our situation, I decided to mix a dash of something I need (money for your college fund) with a sprinkle of something I love to do (baking cookies). The result: Panhandle Cookie Company! Your mama is bakin' some cookies to give you the sweetest start in life possible!
The name Panhandle Cookie Company results from the English translation of our last name from it's original language. Yep, we're panhandles! I've known for years that I have a very decent cookie-baking skill. Your great grandma, whom you were named for, had this AMAZING sugar cookie recipe all through my childhood. I would salivate uncontrollably when she would whip up a batch and at a very early age I was in the kitchen making the cookies with her. Someday soon, you'll be my little sous-baker, too! I've made these cookies for YEARS for special events and always received gushing compliments. A couple of years ago I found an amazing peanut butter cookie recipe that garnered the same attention as the sugar cookies. I started getting REALLY interested in the little intricacies of what makes a cookie recipe the BEST COOKIE RECIPE EVER! Little tweaks here and there, some science, some creativity... all have led to your mama being pretty savvy in the kitchen when it comes to baking.
Being on my MRC diet the first time around meant that I couldn't really do my craft because who on earth bakes cookies and doesn't eat half of the batch herself in one sitting??? Right?? (Yeah, never do that.) When I got off of my MRC diet b/c I was pregnant, I started baking again and remembered how much I loved doing it! Now that I'm back on the diet, I've come up with a genius plan! I'm going to bake cookies and sell them to raise money for your college fund! I get to do what I love, but the cookies don't sit around tempting me with their chewy deliciousness. Win-win!
I already have the talent, the delicious recipes, the drive, and the captive audience (the people who shop at your dad's business downtown), all I needed to do was start! I started selling a couple of batches at an event held at your dad's business. They were wildly popular and gone within a few days! I made another batch, they sold out within the week. And another... they sold out, too! Each week since then the cookies have sold within the week, meaning I'm making a new batch about every Thursday night now.
In the roughly 4 weeks I've been baking cookies as Panhandle Cookie Company, I've made about 10 dozen cookies and sold through nearly all of them! Your savings account will be opened very soon! Now, I'm not going to lie... you WILL be spending this money on college and not booze. Mama doesn't plan on scooping a million cookies by the time you're 18 years old just for you to blow it on something stupid! These cookies have a purpose. Their purpose is for you to pay for as much of your college as I possibly can so you can start your life out in the real world with little to no debt. If you can get scholarships for being an awesome student throughout high school, any extra money left over after paying the difference for college can be used to put a down payment on a home.
You see, I didn't have these things. I've been out of college for 9 years now and I will still be paying for my college education 11 years from now. 20 years of my life will be spent paying for something that I did for four years. Do I regret it? Of course not! Do I wish I could have had another way to do it so I didn't have all of this debt? You betcha. This is what I want for you. I will do whatever I can to make your education as accessible to you as possible even if it means I'll never want to bake or eat another cookie again in my entire life!
My only regret is that I didn't start sooner!
I will update on how Panhandle Cookie Company is doing from time to time. Until then, let's get that savings account open and let it start drawing some awesome interest, yes? Woo hoo!
Friday, May 25, 2012
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
100 things: Numbers 90-81
So, I took a bit of a blogging break as life has been more than a little hectic recently! Mama started a new venture and it has taken up a bit more of the already small amount of free-time we have. I'll talk about it a bit more in the next post. Until then, I would like to continue on the "100 things" list I began on the last post.
Numbers 90-81:
90. Deal with rejection and disappointment: Oy. This is a hard one. The truth is, we as humans are programmed to fear rejection and disappointment from an early age. We learn pretty quickly how yucky it feels to fail at something and how quickly something can go from exciting to disappointing if all of the things we've been working for fail to fall into place the exact way we'd hoped. I'm not saying that you shouldn't feel rejected or disappointed when the situation calls for it. I am saying that dealing with those feelings in a mature and rational way is a good sign that you're on your way in life. Learn from your mistakes, pick yourself up and dust yourself off... start all over again. Keep your good attitude even when things seem at their worst. Be an inspiration to others.
89. Use chopsticks: Both your mom and dad know how to use chopsticks. You will learn, too! Not only is it a nice way to experience things in a different way from the typical "American Culture" but you also learn to eat more slowly than you would if you were shoveling your food in your mouth with a fork. Just think, you'll impress all of your friends with your chopstick ninja moves and they'll beg you to teach them how to do it, too! You're so lucky that you have cool parents who want you to know how to do cool things. Hee hee...
88. Celebrate and congratulate: When you accomplish awesome things in your life you SHOULD celebrate those achievements! Even if no one else is patting you on your back, learn to pat yourself on the back when you deserve it! If someone helped you get to that achievement along the way, congratulate them on a job well done, too! Never walk on someone else or steal someone else's ingenuity to get to the top. Always acknowledge the input of others, recognize the work they did to help you get to your goals, and share in the success!
87. Open a bottle of champagne: Okay, you won't be doing this for a while. BUT, when we do show you how to do it the most important rule of opening a bottle that is under pressure in ANY WAY... NEVER point it at something/someone you care about. Bad things, man. Bad things.
82. Take a taxi home (or call mom) when you’re not fit to drive: There will come a time when you may find yourself impaired to the point you are unable to operate a vehicle. Mama's not going to fault you for having a good time, but I will string your ass up if you don't do the responsible thing by calling a cab or calling someone you trust to come and get you. You had a good time, you drank too much... fine. Your good time doesn't give you the right to put your life or anyone else's life in danger. You may feel fine to drive, but you need to remember that your liver takes about an hour to break down the alcohol content of one "drink" and that "drink" is different amounts of liquid depending on what you're drinking at the time. If you've had two drinks in 30 minutes and have to leave... you shouldn't drive. Be smart, know your limits, don't take chances.
81. Write an essay: You'll do a lot of this in school, but it doesn't hurt to do it in your spare time, either. This entire blog is just a series of essays I've written to you on my own, in my spare time. Essay writing is a great way to exercise your brain, practice your writing skills, and get your point across. We live in a glorious era where ANYONE can be a writer! Not only can you be a writer for yourself, but you can write things for other people to read, too! (Hello out there GGD readers!) I hope your little brain spills itself out into the world via your writings because I can already tell you're smart and opinionated. You should share that with the world!
I'm going to break from the "100 things" posts in the next blog entry because I want to talk about my new pet project and many of the new and exciting things you're doing as you work your way into toddler-hood! Look for a new post by the end of the week!
Numbers 90-81:
90. Deal with rejection and disappointment: Oy. This is a hard one. The truth is, we as humans are programmed to fear rejection and disappointment from an early age. We learn pretty quickly how yucky it feels to fail at something and how quickly something can go from exciting to disappointing if all of the things we've been working for fail to fall into place the exact way we'd hoped. I'm not saying that you shouldn't feel rejected or disappointed when the situation calls for it. I am saying that dealing with those feelings in a mature and rational way is a good sign that you're on your way in life. Learn from your mistakes, pick yourself up and dust yourself off... start all over again. Keep your good attitude even when things seem at their worst. Be an inspiration to others.
89. Use chopsticks: Both your mom and dad know how to use chopsticks. You will learn, too! Not only is it a nice way to experience things in a different way from the typical "American Culture" but you also learn to eat more slowly than you would if you were shoveling your food in your mouth with a fork. Just think, you'll impress all of your friends with your chopstick ninja moves and they'll beg you to teach them how to do it, too! You're so lucky that you have cool parents who want you to know how to do cool things. Hee hee...
88. Celebrate and congratulate: When you accomplish awesome things in your life you SHOULD celebrate those achievements! Even if no one else is patting you on your back, learn to pat yourself on the back when you deserve it! If someone helped you get to that achievement along the way, congratulate them on a job well done, too! Never walk on someone else or steal someone else's ingenuity to get to the top. Always acknowledge the input of others, recognize the work they did to help you get to your goals, and share in the success!
87. Open a bottle of champagne: Okay, you won't be doing this for a while. BUT, when we do show you how to do it the most important rule of opening a bottle that is under pressure in ANY WAY... NEVER point it at something/someone you care about. Bad things, man. Bad things.
86. Build a campfire (and put it out): Despite what your dad might tell you, you don't NEED a full can of lighter fluid to build a campfire. If you like your eyebrows and your arm hair NOT singed, you may want to learn how to build a good smaller fire. We'll go over this when we go camping, but the general rule of thumb is you want a couple of solid larger logs, a lot of kindling (smaller sticks), and some fire starter materials. Don't pack it all too tightly, you also need good air flow to keep your fire stoked! As far as putting it out goes, always be sure your fire is COMPLETELY EXTINGUISHED before you leave your camp site. Even small embers can re-spark a fire that can burn out of control if left unattended.
85. Deal with tragedy: I never want you to experience anything tragic in your life, but it is unavoidable. I can't tell you how to feel about tragedies or how you will react when something happens that takes the wind out of your lungs, literally and metaphorically. I can say that the best thing you can do for yourself is to talk about it with someone you trust. Keeping your sorrows pent up inside of you is like caging an angry lion. If you keep it confined to a small space (just yourself), over time it will slowly grow more and more out of control. If you let it out, let it roam free in a larger more controlled area (a few people you trust), it can still be a dangerous thing, but much less likely to get out of control.
84. Get along with people you may not like that much: Oh girl... there will be so many of these people in your life. Sadly, we do not often get to choose the people we work with, who live near us, who are assigned to help us do certain tasks... we just have to grin and bear these people. Don't be rude, but you don't have to give up your life's story to these people either. You don't have to get along with everyone, but you don't have the right to be mean or condescending to them either.
83. Add, subtract, multiply, and divide without using a calculator: I'm not talking about HUGE numbers, but you do need to have a general idea of how to do math mentally or you'll wind up paying too much for something, not have enough money with you, not get all of the materials you need to finish your project... the list goes on and on. Always have a general idea of the "numbers" surrounding what you're doing and you won't find yourself unprepared in any situation.
85. Deal with tragedy: I never want you to experience anything tragic in your life, but it is unavoidable. I can't tell you how to feel about tragedies or how you will react when something happens that takes the wind out of your lungs, literally and metaphorically. I can say that the best thing you can do for yourself is to talk about it with someone you trust. Keeping your sorrows pent up inside of you is like caging an angry lion. If you keep it confined to a small space (just yourself), over time it will slowly grow more and more out of control. If you let it out, let it roam free in a larger more controlled area (a few people you trust), it can still be a dangerous thing, but much less likely to get out of control.
84. Get along with people you may not like that much: Oh girl... there will be so many of these people in your life. Sadly, we do not often get to choose the people we work with, who live near us, who are assigned to help us do certain tasks... we just have to grin and bear these people. Don't be rude, but you don't have to give up your life's story to these people either. You don't have to get along with everyone, but you don't have the right to be mean or condescending to them either.
83. Add, subtract, multiply, and divide without using a calculator: I'm not talking about HUGE numbers, but you do need to have a general idea of how to do math mentally or you'll wind up paying too much for something, not have enough money with you, not get all of the materials you need to finish your project... the list goes on and on. Always have a general idea of the "numbers" surrounding what you're doing and you won't find yourself unprepared in any situation.
82. Take a taxi home (or call mom) when you’re not fit to drive: There will come a time when you may find yourself impaired to the point you are unable to operate a vehicle. Mama's not going to fault you for having a good time, but I will string your ass up if you don't do the responsible thing by calling a cab or calling someone you trust to come and get you. You had a good time, you drank too much... fine. Your good time doesn't give you the right to put your life or anyone else's life in danger. You may feel fine to drive, but you need to remember that your liver takes about an hour to break down the alcohol content of one "drink" and that "drink" is different amounts of liquid depending on what you're drinking at the time. If you've had two drinks in 30 minutes and have to leave... you shouldn't drive. Be smart, know your limits, don't take chances.
81. Write an essay: You'll do a lot of this in school, but it doesn't hurt to do it in your spare time, either. This entire blog is just a series of essays I've written to you on my own, in my spare time. Essay writing is a great way to exercise your brain, practice your writing skills, and get your point across. We live in a glorious era where ANYONE can be a writer! Not only can you be a writer for yourself, but you can write things for other people to read, too! (Hello out there GGD readers!) I hope your little brain spills itself out into the world via your writings because I can already tell you're smart and opinionated. You should share that with the world!
I'm going to break from the "100 things" posts in the next blog entry because I want to talk about my new pet project and many of the new and exciting things you're doing as you work your way into toddler-hood! Look for a new post by the end of the week!
Monday, April 30, 2012
100 Things All Parents Should Teach Their Children: Part 1
I like to go into anything I do with a certain level of preparation.
When I make large purchases, I usually read consumer reports, online reviews, compare the pros and cons of pretty much every little aspect of the device and then, finally, make my (totally well-informed!!) decision. Personally, I don't see any difference between parenthood and making a large purchase... okay, so there are roughly a million differences, but what I mean to say is parenthood is like entering into a constant stream of research before making countless (totally well-informed??) decisions.
One thing I find myself researching fairly regularly: What sorts of things should I be sure to teach you in the short 18 years that I have your undivided attention? This prompts Google searches like, "What should mothers teach their daughters?" or "What do good parents teach their kids?" or "How best to NOT gloss over the important learning opportunities when you're super busy getting chewing gum out of your kids hair?" Google may not be good for everything (like ACTUAL scholarly research. As a Research Help Desk professional, your mama will lose her gourd if she catches you citing Google or Wikipedia on ANYTHING!), but Google is good at one thing: opinions.
And that's the thing... the lists of things you should do as a parent to ensure you've taught your child everything they need to know is merely someone else's opinion. There is no right or wrong "list" of things to impart on your child, but it can seem overwhelming when considering where you could possibly begin? I assume as things "pop up" throughout the years we will make every effort to turn these surprises into learning opportunities, but until then, Google actually helped me out a bit by leading me to a blog with a list I actually liked of the 100 things all parents should teach their children! I'm going to spend the next couple of weeks (or longer if I take a break here and there) outlining these magical 100 things and my own personal opinion on each thing.
Without further ado: Items 100-91 of the 100 things all parents should teach their children!
100. Listen: I started from the top and I'm working my way back down to number one because number one hundred was the word LISTEN. Honestly, this may be the most important thing on the entire list. It can mean many things! It can mean that we, as awesome parents, must cultivate the habit of listening to you, our beloved daughter. It can mean that you, our beloved daughter, must cultivate the habit of listening to us, your awesome parents. It can also mean that you, our beloved daughter, must cultivate the habit of listening to YOURSELF when you know something is amiss in a situation or if you hear opportunities knocking that you simply must not pass up! Lastly, it can mean listening to your environment and taking everything in before you make important decisions. Regardless of who is doing the listening and who is being listened to, listening is a VERY important skill. If your mouth is going constantly, your ability to listen will be impaired. Know when to be quiet and listen!
99. Look on the bright side: Your mama is a total "glass half full" kind of optimist. I try to take sour lemons and make delightful lemonade out of nearly every situation. It's so bad that your dad, likely, gets really annoyed at my implications that things aren't nearly as bad as they seem (when sometimes they certainly are). The thing is, I'm proud of that view of things. As I said before, I will never be disappointed in you if any number of things don't turn out the way either of us want them to, but I will be disappointed if you have a bad attitude about it or you give up. You can make your own happiness in life simply by choosing to behave a certain way in the face of adversity. You can be that person everyone looks to for comfort and a drop of sunshine or you can be that person that people don't even want to be around when times are at their best (and every place in the spectrum between). Make a conscious decision to look on the bright side and things won't seem as bad as they could be.
98. Pick a piece of fruit that's ripe: This seems odd to include on the list, but if you're going to make better food decisions than either your father or I did at a young age, you need to be sure you know how to find a ripe piece of fruit to eat! Truly wonderful ripe fruits are one of the greatest things about our lovely planet! A juicy ripe peach is better than eating candy on a hot summer day! A perfectly ripe banana is a wonderful complex set of flavors! Getting the perfect avocado can make or break your awesome sandwich! Since you're going to do a TON of the grocery shopping with me, you will learn what to look for, listen for, and smell for when choosing pieces of fruit to buy. It will be fun AND delicious!
97. Pitch a tent: Luckily you won't have to make the same mistake your mama made the first time she attempted to pitch a tent by herself... when it was practically already dark outside! PLAN AHEAD WHEN CAMPING! You want to be at your campsite early in the day! Pitching a tent is more than just the know-how of setting the thing up. You'll need to do things like: check the terrain, which way is the wind blowing?, how close do you want to build the fire?, etc. Then, you'll need to know how to take it all down and shove it back in that tiny little bag it came from until you need it again! Don't worry, we'll go camping often enough to ensure your place as the alpha-female among your friends!
96. Bake a cake: Your mama doesn't know everything there is to know, but she knows how to bake! We will do all sorts of baking together and you will learn why it is important to follow baking recipes, except when it isn't! Experimentation is half of the fun when you're in the kitchen!
95. Use a fire extinguisher: We have them throughout the house in various places. They are not toys, but you need to play around with one at some point so you know how to use it. How many other kids do you know who will get the opportunity to empty an entire fire extinguisher? Not nearly enough, I'd say! Heck, I haven't even done that! How does anyone expect to automatically be good at something like that if they haven't had the means to practice it? Well, someday when you're old enough we will do that very thing... probably while we're out camping and need to put out the raging bonfire your dad built!
94. Parallel park with ease: This is another thing your mama excels at! When I lived in the Scholarship Halls on campus we ONLY had parallel parking. Not only that, they oversold our parking permits so we often had to fight each other arena-style to get any sort of parking. Those with tiny compact cars, like mine, got REALLY good at shoving them in the smallest of spaces left by people who "stupid parked" their land yachts. Any parallel parking job can be done with a three-point turn. Learning how to instinctively calculate your parking geometry comes with practice. Mark my words, when you are of driving age you will do a LOT of parallel parking practice. You will do it until I'm happy with it and my bar is set REALLY high. You want that driving permit? Fine. This is what you have to prove to me before you get the real thing because it is one of the hardest aspects of driving to master. If you can do it while snatching the pebble from my hand at the same time, you will truly be the Parking Kung-Fu master! (Just kidding, keep your eyes on the damn road!)
93. Change a flat tire: My answer to this may surprise you... I have a very hard time changing flat tires by myself. The reason? Even though I know my way around a car and know HOW to change a flat, it's made a lot harder by the use of those air guns on the lug nuts at mechanic's shops when you go to get your tires rotated (or if they have to pull the wheels to check for other issues). I've had problems in the past getting the lug nuts to break by even JUMPING on the tire iron! I will teach you how to change a tire because it is important to know how to do it, but I will also teach you how to flag down help if you're having a problem with the lug nuts (it's called "calling the tow truck companies on your super holographic smart phone and seeing if someone could come and assist you if neither of us are near enough to help.") You can totally charge it to our credit card if they make you pay... just as long as you're safe and sound!
92. Drive a stick shift: I can drive a stick shift, I'm just not good at it. It takes a certain level of practice to figure out the finesse to shift your car without grinding the gears. Also, you'll need to practice the delicate art of lowering and lifting your left and right feet so as to apply proper pressure to the clutch and the gas/brakes at any given time. None of these things are things I am good at, sadly. BUT, your Uncle J knows a thing or two about shifting so if I ever get over my distrust of him teaching you terrible things, I may make him help out on this one... or not... because he's a really bad influence!
91. Parallel park: Ha! It's so important they put it on the list TWICE! Honestly, you won't be the scourge of the streets if you don't parallel park perfectly, but you will double your chances of finding a really good parking spot if you do know how to do it. You'd be surprised the number of people I've been with who will pass up a perfectly good parking spot simply because they don't want to run the risk of embarrassing themselves with their lack of parallel parking skills. I've even gotten out of the car and done it for them. Don't be like that. Learn how to do it properly!
(to be continued)
When I make large purchases, I usually read consumer reports, online reviews, compare the pros and cons of pretty much every little aspect of the device and then, finally, make my (totally well-informed!!) decision. Personally, I don't see any difference between parenthood and making a large purchase... okay, so there are roughly a million differences, but what I mean to say is parenthood is like entering into a constant stream of research before making countless (totally well-informed??) decisions.
One thing I find myself researching fairly regularly: What sorts of things should I be sure to teach you in the short 18 years that I have your undivided attention? This prompts Google searches like, "What should mothers teach their daughters?" or "What do good parents teach their kids?" or "How best to NOT gloss over the important learning opportunities when you're super busy getting chewing gum out of your kids hair?" Google may not be good for everything (like ACTUAL scholarly research. As a Research Help Desk professional, your mama will lose her gourd if she catches you citing Google or Wikipedia on ANYTHING!), but Google is good at one thing: opinions.
And that's the thing... the lists of things you should do as a parent to ensure you've taught your child everything they need to know is merely someone else's opinion. There is no right or wrong "list" of things to impart on your child, but it can seem overwhelming when considering where you could possibly begin? I assume as things "pop up" throughout the years we will make every effort to turn these surprises into learning opportunities, but until then, Google actually helped me out a bit by leading me to a blog with a list I actually liked of the 100 things all parents should teach their children! I'm going to spend the next couple of weeks (or longer if I take a break here and there) outlining these magical 100 things and my own personal opinion on each thing.
Without further ado: Items 100-91 of the 100 things all parents should teach their children!
100. Listen: I started from the top and I'm working my way back down to number one because number one hundred was the word LISTEN. Honestly, this may be the most important thing on the entire list. It can mean many things! It can mean that we, as awesome parents, must cultivate the habit of listening to you, our beloved daughter. It can mean that you, our beloved daughter, must cultivate the habit of listening to us, your awesome parents. It can also mean that you, our beloved daughter, must cultivate the habit of listening to YOURSELF when you know something is amiss in a situation or if you hear opportunities knocking that you simply must not pass up! Lastly, it can mean listening to your environment and taking everything in before you make important decisions. Regardless of who is doing the listening and who is being listened to, listening is a VERY important skill. If your mouth is going constantly, your ability to listen will be impaired. Know when to be quiet and listen!
99. Look on the bright side: Your mama is a total "glass half full" kind of optimist. I try to take sour lemons and make delightful lemonade out of nearly every situation. It's so bad that your dad, likely, gets really annoyed at my implications that things aren't nearly as bad as they seem (when sometimes they certainly are). The thing is, I'm proud of that view of things. As I said before, I will never be disappointed in you if any number of things don't turn out the way either of us want them to, but I will be disappointed if you have a bad attitude about it or you give up. You can make your own happiness in life simply by choosing to behave a certain way in the face of adversity. You can be that person everyone looks to for comfort and a drop of sunshine or you can be that person that people don't even want to be around when times are at their best (and every place in the spectrum between). Make a conscious decision to look on the bright side and things won't seem as bad as they could be.
98. Pick a piece of fruit that's ripe: This seems odd to include on the list, but if you're going to make better food decisions than either your father or I did at a young age, you need to be sure you know how to find a ripe piece of fruit to eat! Truly wonderful ripe fruits are one of the greatest things about our lovely planet! A juicy ripe peach is better than eating candy on a hot summer day! A perfectly ripe banana is a wonderful complex set of flavors! Getting the perfect avocado can make or break your awesome sandwich! Since you're going to do a TON of the grocery shopping with me, you will learn what to look for, listen for, and smell for when choosing pieces of fruit to buy. It will be fun AND delicious!
97. Pitch a tent: Luckily you won't have to make the same mistake your mama made the first time she attempted to pitch a tent by herself... when it was practically already dark outside! PLAN AHEAD WHEN CAMPING! You want to be at your campsite early in the day! Pitching a tent is more than just the know-how of setting the thing up. You'll need to do things like: check the terrain, which way is the wind blowing?, how close do you want to build the fire?, etc. Then, you'll need to know how to take it all down and shove it back in that tiny little bag it came from until you need it again! Don't worry, we'll go camping often enough to ensure your place as the alpha-female among your friends!
96. Bake a cake: Your mama doesn't know everything there is to know, but she knows how to bake! We will do all sorts of baking together and you will learn why it is important to follow baking recipes, except when it isn't! Experimentation is half of the fun when you're in the kitchen!
95. Use a fire extinguisher: We have them throughout the house in various places. They are not toys, but you need to play around with one at some point so you know how to use it. How many other kids do you know who will get the opportunity to empty an entire fire extinguisher? Not nearly enough, I'd say! Heck, I haven't even done that! How does anyone expect to automatically be good at something like that if they haven't had the means to practice it? Well, someday when you're old enough we will do that very thing... probably while we're out camping and need to put out the raging bonfire your dad built!
94. Parallel park with ease: This is another thing your mama excels at! When I lived in the Scholarship Halls on campus we ONLY had parallel parking. Not only that, they oversold our parking permits so we often had to fight each other arena-style to get any sort of parking. Those with tiny compact cars, like mine, got REALLY good at shoving them in the smallest of spaces left by people who "stupid parked" their land yachts. Any parallel parking job can be done with a three-point turn. Learning how to instinctively calculate your parking geometry comes with practice. Mark my words, when you are of driving age you will do a LOT of parallel parking practice. You will do it until I'm happy with it and my bar is set REALLY high. You want that driving permit? Fine. This is what you have to prove to me before you get the real thing because it is one of the hardest aspects of driving to master. If you can do it while snatching the pebble from my hand at the same time, you will truly be the Parking Kung-Fu master! (Just kidding, keep your eyes on the damn road!)
93. Change a flat tire: My answer to this may surprise you... I have a very hard time changing flat tires by myself. The reason? Even though I know my way around a car and know HOW to change a flat, it's made a lot harder by the use of those air guns on the lug nuts at mechanic's shops when you go to get your tires rotated (or if they have to pull the wheels to check for other issues). I've had problems in the past getting the lug nuts to break by even JUMPING on the tire iron! I will teach you how to change a tire because it is important to know how to do it, but I will also teach you how to flag down help if you're having a problem with the lug nuts (it's called "calling the tow truck companies on your super holographic smart phone and seeing if someone could come and assist you if neither of us are near enough to help.") You can totally charge it to our credit card if they make you pay... just as long as you're safe and sound!
92. Drive a stick shift: I can drive a stick shift, I'm just not good at it. It takes a certain level of practice to figure out the finesse to shift your car without grinding the gears. Also, you'll need to practice the delicate art of lowering and lifting your left and right feet so as to apply proper pressure to the clutch and the gas/brakes at any given time. None of these things are things I am good at, sadly. BUT, your Uncle J knows a thing or two about shifting so if I ever get over my distrust of him teaching you terrible things, I may make him help out on this one... or not... because he's a really bad influence!
91. Parallel park: Ha! It's so important they put it on the list TWICE! Honestly, you won't be the scourge of the streets if you don't parallel park perfectly, but you will double your chances of finding a really good parking spot if you do know how to do it. You'd be surprised the number of people I've been with who will pass up a perfectly good parking spot simply because they don't want to run the risk of embarrassing themselves with their lack of parallel parking skills. I've even gotten out of the car and done it for them. Don't be like that. Learn how to do it properly!
(to be continued)
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